One evening a gaggle of white-smocked scientists started throwing comparative pejoratives at one another, something like this:

- He’s as bored as a geologist on the open sea.
- Smart as a monkey with a mass spectrometer.
- He doesn’t know a cetacean from a cephalopod.
- That’s as much fun as a fragile rectal thermometer.
- They were as claustrophobic as astronauts in a cave.
- He was as happy as a geneticist in a bucket of histones.
- He couldn’t tell a quantum effect from an elephant fart.
- She was as nervous as a psychologist at a psychiatric convention.
- That’s as easy as finding a Higgs boson.
- She was as cute as pi.
- They were just like two P’s in a phosphorus chain.
- He was shaking like a chemist with a bag of acetone peroxide.
- He was as helpless as a mathematician wearing mittens.
- She was lost like a cartographer in a cavern.
- Happy as a horticulturist in a seed bag.
- As disgusted as an astronomer in an astrology shop.
- About as logical as a computer scientist on LSD.
- It was as palpable as dark matter.
- Frowning like a bishop with a mouthful of stem cells.
- As trustworthy as a meteorologist on vacation.